banana-haters have feelings too: 11/01/2002

11.30.2002

so i spent the entire day running errands and doing chores. what is wrong with this picture? and my brother is who knows where... he had worship team practice at noon and that was six hours ago. where is he? he never called home! aiyah... why can't boys be more responsible? seriously... boys... they're ALL THE SAME! right cassie? hehe... me and cassie like to have these guy-bashing conversations whenever we're feeling silly. i would say the best word for guys is WEIRD. all of em are weird i tell you! ANYway... the rest of the night promises to be just as dull as my day... laundry... homework/studying. hmm... so much for my last day of break. ugh... and WHY is there nothing on tv? bleh.

i'm watching this holiday movie countdown on E! and they had a poll about which celebrity you'd most like to meet under them mistletoe. HAHAHA.... interesting. you know, i just don't think like that. heath ledger was number one... yeah... he's pretty cute. haha... but no, not under the mistletoe! ewww... heehee. maybe the backstreet boys. HAHA. just kidding. brian and leighanne had a baby boy the other day! that's CRAZY. but awfully cute. he's probably adorable, just like his parents. heehee... and what a cute name... baylee... =) aww... alright, ANYway... at least my guy is still single. as far as i know at least.

alright, enuf babbling. time to ... do laundry. oh what a joy.

ultimate christmas albums:
point of grace: a christmas story
avalon: joy
jaci velasquez: christmas

on my wishlist:
plus one: christmas

yay christmas! i love this season. can't you just smell it? heehee. have a great holiday season everyone!

11.29.2002

thanksgiving ::

sleeping in - ahh... sooo nice.
singing with eLLe (it was fun girls!)
die another day - not so good. i don't recommend it.
good food - we had duck this year! yumm... so much better than turkey. hehe... and i did most of the cooking this year. whoa, i can actually cook!
shopping! it was pretty crazy... and i didn't really even buy that much! blehh... oh well.

well, that's all i've done so far. the rest of the weekend will be full of errands and more shopping and possibly homework. ugh. we'll see. but it's all so much better than school. definitely. =) i like being home. mom and pop are in vancouver for the weekend so it's just me and tim. it's all good though. as long as i'm here everything is fine. hahaha... jk.

uhh, okay i'm kinda at a loss for words. i was talking with some ppl about blogging the other day and they were all complaining about how ppl try to be all deep and profound in their blogs, and how others complain and try to get attention. so i guess i'm kind of self-conscious about not doing that. but really, what is the point of blogging then? i'm definitely not witty enough to have an entertaining blog. hmm... i dunno. anyway, i'm off to cassie's birthday dinner. hehe... it's a family thing, but i'm invited! lucky me huh? the token best friend gets to come along to everything. =) you notice in tv shows and movies how the hero or heroine always has that token best friend who seems like he or she just lives to appease that main character? why does it always have to be so skewed? doesn't the best friend ever get to have drama in her life? haha... well, i suppose cassie and i share equally in drama. and boy do we know drama. HAHA... okay i'm not making any sense. i gtg... so ttyl!

11.25.2002

so here are the debates of the day:
1) what classes to take? oy! i'm crisping tomorrow afternoon. i have all these classes i need and want to take, but they just don't work out very nicely in a schedule. grr. how annoying. i really gotta figure that out SOON! it'll be nice to have that all taken care of before thanksgiving. then i don't hafta worry for the rest of the semester. all ten days of it that's left. (can you believe it?)

2) should i go home tomorrow or wednesday? haha, doesn't that sound like an easy question? well, there are a few factors involved. i technically still have a class on wednesday afternoon. but it's religion! and you all know how much i ADORE that class. -_- also, i think my sg might have dinner tomorrow night. while it's not like inherent that i go, it's so rare that we do get together that it would be sad if i had to miss it. sooo... yes, need to figure that out quickly also.

last night was the junior thanksgiving potluck... and you know, it was surprisingly fun! i think ppl were hyper or something. and wow... the FOOD. i definitely feel the fat around my waste buildling up. blehh... haha, but it was a great time. i'm glad we had it. great idea guys! why don't we have it more often? like... monthly.. haha. oh wait, that sounds SO familiar, didn't we try to do that last year? just not with the potluck part? that wasn't so successful. i think we stopped after january birthdays. how sad. but anyway, now that 90% of us live in apartments, we can actually have potlucks! and everyone's gotten so good at cooking! heehee. i'm very impressed. and so was my stomach. haha... ok enough about that.

i am psyched for thanksgiving! granted i was just home this weekend, and i feel like my mind has been on thanksgiving break for about a week already. but it will be nice to be at home, and to see everyone at home... my church friends... hehe... it's always fun. we're having duck this thursday... weird huh? i guess that's okay because honestly i'm no big fan of turkey. hehe... now what would be really cool is if we had peking duck. ooh... yum. gosh, i must be hungry cuz i keep talking about food today. that is so rare.

i've been sick for like two weeks now. what is up with that? it's not like explicitly sick sick... but i have this throat problem... and it comes and goes every morning. yuck. and then this morning i woke up with a cold sore on my lip! how disgusting. at least it's not as nasty as the one i got over the summer that left a big scar above my lip. okay, i'm sure y'all wanted to hear about my cold sores. haha... but ANYway... i hope this sick thing ends soon. it's no fun at all.

oh yeah! the prayer retreat. i guess... it was better than i was expecting it to be. granted i kind of came in with a bad attitude... still kind of sulking about how no one else was going. but, i guess it kind of made it better that there were very few people who went. not that i really had a chance to talk to them -- we spent 15 out of the 20 hours there in silence. that was pretty difficult, even for me who is usually really quiet anyway. but, saturday night i got to read a lot of the psalms and pray for a couple hours... that was good. i kind of told God how i've been frustrated this whole year... and God really reassured me that He's in control, that He's unchangeable even when circumstances are bad. sunday morning was a little harder. i didn't sleep very well that night... guess it was cuz i was in a different place... and there was some annoying noise from who knows what. but yeah, in the afternoon we spent some time in corporate prayer, that was cool too. i think i got a lot more into it near the end, and i didn't feel so bad about being there. i guess i could have made it a lot better than it was though, if i had come with a better attitude. sigh... maybe next time. anyhow, i'm still somewhat sad i missed my brother's last show. but at least i still got to see it twice. it's hard to remind myself that the feelings of happiness i would have felt from being at his show are fleeting... but God is not. and that's why it's okay to make those sacrifices. i think that's something you can apply to pretty much anything you have to give up for God... like school for instance.

alright, i'm out. ttyl!

ONE MONTH TIL JESUS' BIRTHDAY! yay!!!

11.22.2002

les mis was AMAZING! i am truly, thoroughly impressed with these youngsters. they really did it justice. my bro was cute on stage! i was so proud when he sang his solos. sigh, he is really growing up.

i was hit with such a weird feeling going back to my high school last night. in some ways time has totally flown by, in other ways, high school life seemed like an eternity ago. i don't know what it was, nostalgia... regret? i must say that looking back i don't think my high school years were as fulfilling as they should have been. but i guess i am also glad that i've moved on. i dunno. watching the musical also kind of made me sad i didn't do it my junior and senior year. i suppose it is because i didn't really have friends involved, and also because of my tainted relationship with my choir teacher. but i dunno, i guess there is something in me that longs to be a performer, to be on stage. i thought that desire was being fulfilled through eLLe, but lately we haven't done a whole lot... which makes me sad. sigh... i dunno. it's kinda weird cuz i always thought i belonged backstage... that's the kind of person i thought i was. but i guess i'm realizing that part of me also wants to be in the spotlight. i suppose that may be why i'm struggling with serving as secretary for ccf this year. i dunno... but maybe i'm just being selfish. i'm not sure. in any event, going back to my high school, watching les mis, watching all the "little kids" (most who probably look older than me...) sing and perform... it just makes me sad that life can't stop there. life goes on, it moves faster than you want it to... before you get a chance to reflect on all the moments that pass by. i think that's what's happening as i'm growing up... everything is just flying past me and i'm trying desperately to grasp for some substance and significance in it all. i dunno.

okay, it is FREEZING in my house. and letting my fingers type out in the cold is not helping. so i'm off. been online too long anyway. dial-up is sooo foreign to me now. okay, gonna go eat lunch. byee!

11.21.2002

so i realized some people didn't get it when i said I GOT IN! okay, just to clarify a bit... my major is called "organizational studies". i always have to explain it when i tell ppl. it's starting to get annoying. BUT... just for record's sake... org studies is a small interdisciplinary concentration program that accepts about 25 students per semester. basically it's an intensive study on the role of organizations in society as well as the effect it has on individuals. it has a business kind of feel to it, but more in the direction of interpersonal skills and real-life problem solving. it's like psych, soc and econ combined. okay, that's about all i can handle. hopefully this answers questions about what the heck my major is.

on that note, i went in to meet my advisor yesterday. she was really nice. all the faculty in the program seem really personable and friendly, like they really care about their students and stuff. that's a new thing to me. i feel like at this university i've been kind of let go to choose my own fate. i don't even have an LS&A advisor. kinda weird huh? anyway, i definitely feel so much better about things now that i'm kind of on my way to figuring out how i want to finish up my school career. i feel like i actually have a future! that's something new. but, yeah it's all good. =)

i'm going home tonight to see my brother in our high school musical! excited about that. but i guess it's kind of bittersweet for a few reasons. one, i had to go to so much trouble to get home these couple days so i could make it back for that prayer retreat... which no one is going to! i was kinda pissed cuz i thought everyone but me was going so i made all these plans to change stuff up so i could go. and now no one is going. so all this time i could have just went along with my original plans to see it saturday and sunday, instead of missing core, all my friday classes, AND ccf large group. bleh. that was annoying. i'm not going to pretend i wasn't pissed about that. it's like, why do i even bother sacrificing all my time for core when it seems like everyone else doesn't care either? ugh. ANYway, for the most part i'm over it. i guess it kinda hinders my being enthusiastic about this retreat though. anyway, i guess going to the musical is also sad cuz it's the last one i'll probably go see... cuz my brother's a senior and i don't know anyone at andover anymore! i feel so old! goodness... like when i was a senior, all the kids who were little freshmen are the seniors now! so i really don't know anyone except my brother and his friends. sigh... but i guess i don't have a TON of sentimental nostalgia about andover, esp the music program. i guess i'm still kind of bitter at my choir teacher. that's a sin i have struggled with for all these years.

last night i ate at south quad, my first dorm meal since last year! it was thanksgiving dinner. pretty good... i was stuffed. but definitely not worth the $8.75 entree plus i had to pay. oh well. i guess it was more about eating with friends. it was me, yt, jenn, cindy, liz, tiff, patty & janice. oh, and that guy andy but i dont' really know him. anyway, i thought it was rather ironic that the six of us (the first six i mentioned) were all there together. that hasn't happened in a very long time. it didn't feel awkward, but maybe kind of sad... cuz ... i dunno... it's almost like our friendship as a group has been forbidden. but, nevertheless, last night was fun. there were seven kinds of desserts! i'm sure liz probably mentioned it in her blog... hehe. i don't even remember all the different kinds.

ANYway, i'm gonna go pack up and stuff now. well, i don't have a lot to pack... but yeah, i'm gonna go. byee!

11.17.2002

check out the stuff i've been working on at the new eLLe website. (link to the left) i added a quiz, guestbook and poll (on the home page). heehee. okay, granted eLLe has been pretty stationary for a while. we haven't really learned any new songs in a year and a half or so... sad huh? guess it's the busy-ness of college. sigh. i miss the days when eLLe had lots of stuff going on! it was fun. anyway, i enjoy doing the website stuff, even if no one really comes to look at it. my old website got a lot of traffic! hopefully if i ever get the time i'll be able to work on the site so it's actually worthy of that kind of traffic. hehe... it's pretty dull right now. anyway, that's all i wanted to write about. ttyl!

11.15.2002

I GOT IN!

praise God! this week has just been full of good news. i can't believe i finally have a major. that's crazy. after nearly five whole semesters. anyway, i just had to record this moment. i'm not sure what i'll do now. haha, perhaps i'll go declare. =) alright, gtg. buh byee!

11.14.2002

yay! i got an A+ on my cog psych exam! [big grin]. i better be happy while it lasts. i'm getting back all my other grades in the next few days... so... yeah. hopefully i'll bring more good news. but we'll see. if not, oh well. i think i'm mostly worried about hearing from the OS program. yikes! anyway, just wanted to share that. :)

11.13.2002

while i'm at it, here are some quotes from the fatty conversation from last night. i must say when you put the three of us together we make some truly "FAT" jokes. haha... love you ach and boy!

Mei922: i'm not a slurpee!!

fermataLi3: i could be a chinese pop star
fermataLi3: since they think english is so cool here and have really really cheesy music.. i'd be perfect
fermataLi3: and cuz you don't need boobs in china

fermataLi3: yes.. and now i'm a fatty
Mei922: a real home-bred fatty
Mei922: congrats and welcome to the club
fermataLi3: you're not a fatty
fermataLi3: the only fat head here... is...
fermataLi3: BOYBOY

fermataLi3: tim.. you're a heartbreaker

Mousey4Jesus: i never had problems with gurls liking me before
Mei922: haha, me either
Mousey4Jesus: gurls like you?????
Mousey4Jesus: ewwwww

Mousey4Jesus: stupid gurls...
fermataLi3: stupid boys

Mousey4Jesus: stupid zach begle screws up all his lines
fermataLi3: begle
fermataLi3: who's last name is begle?
Mousey4Jesus: zach
Mei922: snoopy?

fermataLi3: CHHHHEEEEEEESSSEEEE
fermataLi3: mousey would hate it here
Mei922: aww
fermataLi3: mou would starve!
fermataLi3: he'd just have to eat tofu all day long
Mei922: :-(
Mei922: how sad
fermataLi3: except he has that plastic cheese thing that seems to have lasted him quite a while
fermataLi3: how can a whole country just NOT HAVE CHEESE!!!
Mei922: i know! what a crime
fermataLi3: not a single person raised their hand when i asked who had eaten a pizza
fermataLi3: nobody!!
fermataLi3: not a single person
fermataLi3: sigh
fermataLi3: it's like.. they think that pizza is some evil western infiltration
fermataLi3: when.. it's really just A GREAT IDEA

Mei922: can you make cheese?
Mei922: haha
Mei922: boy that was a dumb question
fermataLi3: i have to go south to get the good kind
fermataLi3: can i MAKE it
fermataLi3: sigh
fermataLi3: i need a cow..

11.12.2002

i forgot to write about my funny story. so i went home this weekend and my mom and i were talking over a late dinner. and she was like, "so yeah, i got your letter last week.." (i had written her a letter cuz i had to snail mail a receipt to her. that week i was kind of depressed so it was full of complaints about being lonely and whatnot...) "and i was thinking about how you're lonely and having problems with your friends..."
"yeah?"
"and i was thinking... maybe it's time for you to get a boyfriend."
"WHAT?!"

and i thought i was home-free... bragging to all my friends how my mom never talked about the B-word with me. sigh. what is this world coming to? granted, she defended herself immediately after my reaction, saying i should make "guy friends", not necessarily a boyfriend. yeah. okay mom.

anyway, speaking of this whole boyfriend thing... i definitely am not looking at all right now. most of my girlfriends (besides the few with significant others) i think have that hope of one day finding the right guy, but looking at the present situation... we know that it will be one day in the very far future. haha. and it's better that way i think. i don't know if i'd want to give up so much time to have a boyfriend. it's a serious time commitment, time that i do not have at the moment. i think i'm busy enough as it is.

so yeah, i thought i'd share that little anecdote.

in other news... i just took an exam. that was blah. small group was pretty nice. i felt like i hadn't gone in so long cuz last week i had an exam at the time of sg. i like my sg... they're all so cool. i wish we hung out more though. i remember frosh year, our small group loved being together. those were the days...

cassie set up a blog yesterday. i helped her make it all purple and stuff. haha... you can go check it out. although i don't know if she wants to publicize it yet. too bad! haha... [GRIN]. i found out that the "blogout" thing has a smiley that is BLUE and does the EYEBROW look. how perfect for me! i wish they had that on AIM. i'd use it profusely. esp when talking to certain people. hehehe [puts on halo]...

okay, enough being stupid. byee!

11.10.2002

i'm back in aa. (i went home for the weekend.) i had a pretty good weekend. it was nice being at home and just chilling. and the conference was great too. it was a little over my head, but then i found out my english pastor went to the conference too, and he talked about the same things in sunday school today. so i felt better after he explained it again. it was also good to know he agreed with rc sproul and rc sproul jr. my mom and i were a little worried cuz some of the time dr. sproul was kind of like, bashing the armeniasm movement (i still don't know exactly what that is...). and it was just. weird. like, unchristianly. well, my pastor didn't bash anyone of course. but the theology behind predestination was the same when he explained it. so that was good. i learned a lot. i really enjoy learning about God and more of who He is, it seems like there is always just so much to learn. but that's just all the more reason to praise God because of His immeasurably greatness.

the rest of the weekend was nice. i went shopping twice, once with yt and tiff - i bought a skirt. yes, it's like skirt # 25 or something. i admit it is my guilty pleasure/fetish. but it's a really cool skirt! and i haven't been shopping in forever. okay, i'm rationalizing. i went shopping on saturday with my mom and got a purple turtleneck. yay! it's so fun to get new clothes. i spent saturday night chilling with my mom and brother. we all sat in contented silence as i studied for my exam and tim did his calc homework, and my mom was reading the paper. (well, it wasn't completely silent cuz i insisted on playing all my backstreet boys cds. [GRIN] ). it was kind of weird... haven't done that in a while. but nevertheless, quite enjoyable. being home less makes you appreciate it more. as i'm sure most college ppl will concur.

oh yeah, i just found out that NICK CARTER's gonna be here for detroit's thanksgiving parade! i was ecstatic. of course, tiffany was ecstatic-er. haha... but yeah, that will be awesome. i hope i get to go. haven't seen any of the boys in forever! even if it's just one i'm still stoked. heehee. alright just had to share that news. that's it for now. buh byee!

11.08.2002

i just discovered a very incriminating photo of myself and thought i would share it with y'all to embarrass myself even further.

cassie claims i have the straightest teeth she's ever seen. i don't buy it.

check out bev's pictures for a closer shot of my pic (if you care to see the straight teeth, that is) and for more ziplining pics. it was a total blast! whoo! =)

okay that's all i have for today. byee.

11.06.2002

well, now that i've figured most of this new format out... i'm considering publicizing it. do you think it's a good idea? oh dear, i feel like such a poser. do people even use that word anymore? hmm... anyway... we'll see.

i don't have any entertaining stories today. the rest of the week will be pretty unexciting, until the weekend. i'm just thankful those exams are over. the religion exam was so overrated. i studied way too much. i always do that. i need to stop studying so much. haha... bet you don't hear that very often from a college student. anyway, i realized today that i was bored out of my mind cuz i don't have any imminent exams to study for or anything. kinda sad. like my whole life is dedicated to studying now? we had a prayer meeting yesterday about stuff we learned at fall conference, and i really want to pray for our fellowship - that we won't be so caught up in studying. why do we put so much value on getting good grades when we KNOW that there's so much more out there that God wants for us? there's so much more to life than succeeding in school. i don't know why we all don't see that. i guess it's something you kind of have to just understand. you can't force people to live that out without their understanding it. anyway, not studying so much doesn't mean bumming around like i've been doing. instead i should use the extra time to invest in people. but how are you supposed to invest in people when they're all out studying? this is why we need to commit to investing in people as a fellowship. it's much more effective this way. if only i weren't always gone or busy during sabbath. that seems like an ideal time to go visit people and stuff. i'm hoping that this visitation thing will be easier next year when i'm not trapped up in this tower. i don't know. we'll see though. i guess any apartment gives tendencies to just stay in your own place and not want to go out. but i dunno. that's still ten months away. i need to focus on now.

alright, that's enough babble for today. maybe this will be the first one people read! who knows. hehe...

11.05.2002

my exam is in half an hour. i'm ready to get this over with already! darn exams. makes things so much less enjoyable. anyway, i guess i'm not too worried. i'm just looking forward to having it be over with. i think the worst thing about exams is the anticipation beforehand. especially when it's raining. reminds me all too much of accounting 271. poopies. anyway, i tried to change up the look of this blog and i lost all my entries. i dunno what's wrong. hopefully i'll figure it out. who knows maybe i'll actually publicize this if it ever starts to look decent. okay, well i'm outtie. bring it on, religion 201!

11.04.2002

i still haven't been able to write down all the stuff i learned at fall conference. it's like i had to jump right back into school. kinda sad. i mean, something i learned, well, relearned, was how temporary this whole school thing is, compared with the eternal blessings God gives us. like, how satisfying is it really going to be when we get that one A on the exam we studied 20 hours for? not very much, compared to being saturated with the Word of God and getting just a glimpse at how awesome and sovereign and faithful He is. it's kind of sad. i feel like i've been swept into that whole school-is-the-most-important-thing-in-the-world mentality that all my friends seem to have. while i should be influencing them to put God first, i'm letting them take me down. it's not like i'm all holier than thou and am always putting God first, but i feel like if it weren't for external influences, i'd be more likely to direct myself into growing more and growing deeper. it's definitely my struggle... peer pressure. i feel convicted to pray for ccf though. i really see that we've put too much focus on school and that ccf/God/being a christian has become just one part of our lives, instead of our whole reason for being. we need to turn back to God and just be all about living for Him. i know that i am guilty of not doing that. i live for so many other things, for personal satisfaction, for pleasing others, for feeling good. this stuff is so temporary and so unfulfilling compared to truly living for Jesus.

i think something that has to do with that is God's sovereignty and faithfulness. in daniel we learned that God was sovereign when daniel was brought to babylon. he orchestrated the whole time he was there, causing the court official to have favor on daniel and his friends, to cause king nebuchadnezzar to like him... he was sovereign over king neb, the ruler of the whole world! he has the power over all those things, how much more is he sovereign in my own little life? i don't need to worry about the little details of my life, because God is so much bigger than that, he's in control and will always be in control.

God is faithful. he was faithful to shadrach, meshach, and abednego. they made a bold stand of faith by not going with the flow. and God was right there with them in the fiery furnace. in the same way, God promises to be with us when we choose to stand up for our faith and when we're willing to be set apart from everyone else. i think personally, i need to be willing to stand out and not be so consumed by the mindset of living for school/career/success... and to step out in faith knowing that when i commit my life to God, then He's going to be faithful in all the areas of my life.

alright, i think that's enough for now. i'm sounding preachy. that's bad. i definitely need God to humble me, like how he humbled king neb. nothing i do or learn is because of me, it's because God is great and i am small, but He loves me anyway. isn't that good to know? praise God for his faithfulness, sovereignty and love.

11.01.2002

well, fall conference is in 10 minutes! well, leaving for fall conference, that is. it has been a CRAZY week. but God is good and i'm excited for the weekend. it's so rare that i get to set aside some time to spend with God, to learn about Him and be trained in His Word. i think it'll be worthwhile. there's some other things in my life that have been bugging me, but i'm just looking forward to resting this weekend. despite the fact that i have two exams monday and tuesday. bleh. let's not go there for now. okay, well, gtg... out for now!

banana-haters have feelings too