banana-haters have feelings too

it probably would have been too much if i wrote about anything from this past weekend. i went from nervous to happy to tired to depressed... and back. yeah, i dunno what is up with my emotions these days. it's like some kind of mid-life crisis deal, but i'm just 20, not 40! sigh... what is wrong with me?

anyway, emotions aside, this week promises to be busier than ever. just thinking about it stresses me out. i'm using this blog session as a brainstorm time for my org. studies application. today i brought my draft in to sweetland writing center, and it was really helpful, except now i sort of have to start over. it was too unfocused and kind of just... all over the place. what i really need to do is zoom in on one aspect of myself which makes me unique and distinct from other applicants. i decided i would choose my passion for art. but i'm still trying to figure out how to relate that to org. studies. i'm kind of having a writer's block. the woman who helped me today suggested that i do some free writing. i tried doing that on word and it was pretty unsuccessful. so i thought maybe my thoughts might flow a little more freely if i blogged. so here we go.

so let's talk a little bit about my career goals. okay, when i think really hard about what i want to do with my life, i can think of several options. the problem is, i don't know how i will get there. most of them involve art and business in some way. i think some careers i would like to have are:

designing websites: i used to spend a lot of time on this. it's actually fun, although tedious. and i have a lot to learn in this area. this career focuses on organizing space so that it is efficient and effective at communication. it also involves knowing how people will respond to certain stimuli. it's important to understand the organizations you design websites for, to know what will work for them.

interior design: this is something in which i have absolutely no experience. but i do know that you must be incredibly aware of your clients' wishes and needs. good interpersonal skills are vital. this career also encompasses using creative expression to organize a space.

advertising: i also don't know a whole lot about this field. i think this was my initial choice coming into college. that's why i was pre-bus. it's basically knowing how to sell your ideas, using art as a way to communicate and promote products. OS would be useful because advertisors constantly need to be working with different companies. it would be valuable in cooperating with them and negotiating with them. when problems or conflicts arise, a background in OS would aid in understanding how to solve these problems in a practical way.

graphic design: closely related with advertising. this is actually a lot more business-related than any other kind of art. taking the class at occ helped me understand this. i spent so much time on it! the main things i learned in that class was that each piece needs a focal point. somewhere where your audience will automatically see first. this is to grab their attention. i think in working with people, graphic design is a lot like that. when you are in business, you need to show them your focus, your direction. otherwise they will lose interest quickly. kind of like how my personal statement really needs a good focal point. i just need to find one! aiyah!

some specific things i aspire to do:
i've always had the dream of designing greeting cards. it would be like doing something i consider a well-loved hobby, and making money at the same time. in social psych we learned that doing something you like for money makes you like it less. but for some reason, i can't see that with my relationship to art. i don't know. it's just something i have always loved doing. i don't see why i would like it less if i had to do it all the time and for a living. but i guess i can't know for sure.

hmm... what else do i aspire to do? i think ultimately, if i never get to pursue a career in the art field, i'll somehow end up working in business. well, i dunno. i guess when i'm actually honest, i haven't really thought a lot about post-college life. it's hard enough as it is to worry about the present. all the crazy drama going on... but i dunno. i think someone like me needs a job that isn't mundane, that isn't a 9-5 m-f job. something that challenges me and causes me to stay on my toes... alert and ready for something new. something to be creative.

on the other hand, i do enjoy consistency. i think that's why i've been going through this major crisis. things are changing for me. i'm growing up. i have to make decisions that affect my long-term future! like this whole org studies thing. i have to write about my future goals and plans. i can't just be a kid anymore and be carefree and nonchalant about my life. it's serious now. even my relationships with people. i am no longer satisfied by the surfaces of superficiality. i long for deeper and more intimate relationships. that includes the one called "dating". although i know i'm not ready to have a boyfriend, just this year that topic has occurred in more conversations than the past five years it seems. i think we are all growing up, facing the challenges and obstacles that people who are in their 20's have to face. that's just crazy when you think about it. just two and half years ago i was a 17-yr-old high school kid who had no idea what to do with my life and didn't really care. now, i still have no idea, only now, i am forced to care. life isn't slowing down for me. it's getting faster. and that's quite unsettling.

i've digressed. i guess i've been thinking too hard. why do i really want to get into the OS program? ultimately this is the question i need to address. well... okay. let's look at it simply. my interests: art and business. possible majors: art or business. well, neither really seemed broad enough for me. art is too limiting. i wanted a stable education that would allow me to have other opportunities if i so chose to do something else with my life. so org. studies seems to be a pretty useful and practical concentration program, because i can still study more about businesses. but i'll also gain background experience that help me in every day life, wherever i will be. i think this is ideal because at this point in my life, my options seem too numerous to just focus too much in one area like graphic design or art or something. i also think org. studies is really interesting. it's so intriguing to study how groups function and how people are socially influenced. i think part of that is because i am an observer. i watch others and see how they interact.

being an artist kind of relates to that. how? well i guess i wouldn't really consider myself an artist. but as someone who is passionate about art, i take ideas i have about the world, about people, and channel that into a creative organization of space. for example: hmm, i can't seem to come up with an example. i guess the most artsy thing i've done lately is my scrapbook. how does this relate to org. studies? well, although scrapbooking is very much a hobby, the skills i use to make them are also skills i use for web design or graphic design. gathering information together and presenting them on a 2-d space, which people will see. these people will need to understand the main points and main ideas, while also enjoy the presentation because it is pleasing to the eye. i can display this by using concise captions, framing pictures and cropping out unimportant parts. adding small details which are simple yet add a lot to the overall look. org. studies: by gaining a better understanding on what people tend to focus on, how people react to certain images or words, i will be a better artist.

did that make any sense? blehh... i think that's enough idea generation for now. tomorrow i will attempt to type out a draft. but, oy! i have to babysit. i regret saying yes to this extra job because this week will be incredibly busy. i didn't realize it until today. sigh. oh well, too late. and i'm making money, which is very important. oh well. i thought i should stay up later and do more work. but now that it's 12:30something, i'm pretty tired. maybe i'll just do some more reading for english. that's easy enough. hmm... what else did i have to write about? well, i actually flushed out a lot in my diary yesterday so i'm okay for now. so, yeah ... i'm out i guess. ciao!

posted by Laura @ 12:41 AM